Driving Hell

Ever wondered what driving hell would be like? Well wonder no more and come on down to Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia. Warning, driving around here may cause: high blood pressure, sudden cursing, severe cursing, continuos cursing (a string of 4 or more), cursing in foreign languages, cursing in mixed languages, rage, sexism, racism, boredom and my personal favorite, excessive and continuos cursing in 2 or more languages. Here is my Top 10 list on KK drivers/driving:

1. Cars that have uselessly loud exhausts pulling away at the lights. BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *whine* OOOOOOMMMMMMMMM. Nice going jackass, you've managed to roll it like 3 feet. A-m-a-z-i-n-g.
2. The ever present tudung lady/girl who somehow knows just how to piss you off. She's great at braking when the lights are green, signaling for ages but can't seem to summon the courage to change lanes, starting to brake 2 miles from the traffic lights/roundabout/junction, takes >2s to realize the lights have turned green and the ultimate stereotypical tudung-er: driving in the fast lane at 40km/h. Great.
3. Tailgaters. I'm driving a Land Cruiser, and this dipshit with his souped up Kancil goes all Michael Schumacher on my ass. Imagine a tiny little mosquito chasing after an elephant's behind. Must be one retarded mosquito.
4. Motorcycles. I know, some people can't afford cars. But do motorcyclists have to be so damned annoying? I mean, you're basically holding on to a metal coffin, with the 'you' part on the outside. You'd think they'd be extra careful right? Wrong. Apparently, less weight + shit for brains = There's no other way to put it - Fucked up driving.
5. Potholes and layer upon layer of lame attempts to fill out the holes. Who needs chiropractors when you can have your spine adjusted F.O.C. Please note that results may vary depending on speed, make of car and length of road. Side effects include distorted spines, crushed testicles and numb buttocks.
6. 'Sports cars'. You can always spot one right off the bat. They'd stick ridiculous vinyls like kancilracing.com.my or myvicarclub.com. Large spoilers, outrageous bodykits and ghastly paintjobs. Driver is usually a wanker.
7. Assholes who suddenly cut you off before the lights and you end up not making it. Need I say more.. Utter Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..
8. A phenomenon I like to call 'WTF?!'. E.g., a road with 2 lanes leading in the same direction. One is piled with cars, the next lane is empty. 'WTF?!'. Drivers who immediately cut into the fast lane from a junction. Mega 'WTF?!' + prolonged honking.
9. Pedestrians, encompassing but not limited to: Pedestrians who cross the road 10 feet from a overpass bridge, think they own the road, think they're made of metal/indestructible, walk like they're shopping around for segments of road, cross just when you think they won't, compose text messages while crossing.
10. Drivers who talk on the phone/text message on the road. I saved this for last because unfortunately I sometimes fall into this category. Please don't do it kids, its really very dangerous if you're a retard or just suck in every way at driving.

Driving should be pleasurable, a convenience. Why does it need to be Hell on Earth? WTF indeed.

Chaos Theory

Okay, so the Earth has been here for like 4.5 billion years. Life started to appear about a billion years later. The dinosaurs came and went. Tectonic shifts and massive earthquakes shaped the continents and formed oceans. Throughout all the turmoil and natural disasters, life on Earth was put to the test. Survival of the fittest. Evolve, or die. Scientist's hypothesize that of all the species of animals present on Earth today, they are collectively only 0.05% of the species that existed 3.5 billion years ago.

So here's my gripe, why the hell did the stupid, puny and annoying mosquito survive? God is a funny guy. Ha-ha, very funny.

You're sleeping. You finally get yourself into a comfortable position. Just when you're about to fall asleep, the sneaky bastards unleash all sorts of hell. The irritating buzz, false landings on your skin (forcing yourself to take the bait and smack yourself) and 'love bites' they leave after the free buffet. When you finally can't take it anymore and whip out the Ridsect Goodnight, you're wide awake and out for revenge. Filling the room with aerosol spray, you shout "Die f*ckers!! Dieeeeeee!!!". In the end, you realize that it was only one measly mosquito that provoked WW3.

So what exactly IS the purpose of the mosquito in nature? Bees pollinate flowers so we can have food all year round, what has the mosquito ever done besides being useless? (You can't even eat them!) Here's the description for the mosquito on Wikipedia:

"The females of most mosquito species suck blood (hematophagy) from other animals, which has made them the deadliest disease vector known, killing millions of people over thousands of years and continuing to kill millions per year by the spread of infectious diseases."

There you have it. It's a remorseless, purpose built killer to keep the human population in check. Oh thank you, thank you so much. Like we don't have enough diseases going around, you have to just go on and accelerate the process.

*Smack*- Result.

Even if mosquitos died out eons ago, would it really make a difference today? I say screw 'em. Good riddance. Hooray for sound and undisturbed sleep the world over. Then again, when you really think about it, 3 billion years of random but controlled evolution produced the mosquito, enabling it to disturb and annoy your slumber millions of years later. Instantly, you realize you're part of history. Yet you know your life is not significant enough to write a book about, so you blog. Sad isn't it?

Back From The Dead

Yay, I finally finished my A-levels!!! Ok, to be honest, they actually ended a week ago. So, having so much free time right now, I decided to revive my dormant blog. Yes, that's right. Be prepared to be barraged with useless and utterly pointless crap.

Just to get the ball rolling, here's something really interesting, something you'll never know until you experience it yourself. My MacBook died. Yeap, it just refused to load the login screen. It was much happier to display a grey screen and process God knows what (you haven't even started up you bastard!) then restart itself. This coming from a supposedly unbreakable computer. Plus, it was barely 2 months old.

Anyways, I got it fixed and its back to being awesome. Apparently it was a software problem and it had to be archived and reformatted. Quick fix. The really scary it was when you have not much experience with Mac OS and it goes ballistic. Where do I even start? Thank God for geeks, they're a life-saver.

So, that's all for now and remember to treat your geeks right. They just might save your ass.

I'm sure all you have had ulcers before, you know, the kind that forms in your mouth and hurts like hell every time you touch it. Problem is, it's impossible not to touch it 'cause it comes in constant contact with your teeth. It even hurts when you 'detach' it from your teeth. 

I've got an ulcer, on my throat..... God help me.

You know the thing you do when you've got an ulcer? The thing where you try to chew using one side to avoid the various acids and salts in food from agitating the ulcer? Doesn't work when its on your THROAT!! Even when its thoroughly liquified and gooey, the food still manages to brush past the ulcer like sandpaper on wood. If you're wondering, then YES! IT HURTS!!! LIKE A *beep*beep* in a *beeeeeeeeeeeeeep*.

Haizzz... Any suggestions on how to get ulcers to heal faster? I tried applying Bonjela to it but its so far in my mouth I always gag when I poke my finger in there. Nearly vomited the last time. Right now, I'm trying out the 'gargle salt water' method. Please! For the love of God! End my sufferings!

Comments, where art Thou??

Haizz.... Another boring week... Nth but studying and doing past year papers. Stupid Trials.

However, I did manage to watch the latest DVD Rip of Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk and Speed Racer. Heheheh.

For those who have yet to watch Iron Man, watch it NOW!!! NOW I TELLS 'YA!! I can barely express how cool this movie is. I always end up in a puddle of my own drool from just thinking about how great it would be if I were Tony Stark. Proves you don't have to fall into a vat of toxic waste to be a superhero, just tons of cash.  

The Hulk on the other hand, not so cool. Here's a guy who turns into a gigantic oaf with a 2 word vocabulary. All he says in the movie besides roaring and growling is "Hulk!" and "Smash!", which is kinda lame when all he CAN do is smash things up. Couldn't he have said 'destroy' instead? It sounds more..... educated. Anyways, it was still entertaining and the plot had more substance than Iron Man to be honest. Most of all, it created a new backstory without having to actually tell you how B. Banner became The Hulk, which as we all know was a freak accident blah blah blah.

Speed Racer. I only watched it because I was a big fan of the animated series back when I was little. It felt like watching a 2 hr long cartoon. They worked really hard to retain the 60's feel of the cartoon which was evident from the cars and colorful special effects. The plot was classic Hollywood success story. Boy has amazing talent. Boy manages to show the world how good he is. Boy meets with challenges and roadblocks. Boy triumphs over evil corporation and gets the girl. I could already guess the ending 15 min into the movie, the part when the Racer family was touring the factory. They did manage to put in a few relevant themes like auto racing has become a big advertisement board for corporate sponsors to promote their names.  Then again, this movie is for children and children nowadays only enjoy watching stuff explode.... Hmmm...

I think super hero movies can still capture our interest, what with the advancements in science and technology. I mean we know that with those levels of Gamma radiation, Bruce Banner would have been thoroughly dead before he'd even manage to switch the machine off. And the Iron Man armor, powered by a miniature Arc Reactor? Everyone knows that to produce energy, fuel must be spent and waste products are formed. I din know that "Arc's" could be "Reacted".

Yet, I don't really care. You can't watch these kind of movies thinking all the time, "How does he do that?" or "That's not right!". You watch these movies because they bring out the child in you and spur your imagination. I mean, where would technology be if we had scientists with no imaginations?

I love Apple but hate Steve Jobs

So I'm checking my mail and I see a notification from Apple saying that they've come out with the new generations of the iPod Touch and Nano.

What? I just got my Touch like, 6 months ago and they've introduced a new one?? 

Plus, I just updated the software to version 2.0 last month for USD 9.99. Now they say you can buy the version 2.1 for, you guessed it, another 9.99 'only'. Shit.

The thing that pisses me off is, they release a 'completely new' version, yet they've only added a few new (and honestly, useless) features and changed some buttons, that's all. Why couldn't they have just added it right in the beginning? They keep adding little things to their products and calling them new. So when you've bought the "All New, Right Off The Shelf" iPod, it's already outdated.

Steve Jobs should be crucified. Maybe then we'd be satisfied with the iPod's and Mac's we've already got. Then again, who can resist the allure of a sleek and easy-to-use MP3 player. I certainly can't. He's a smart man Steve. He's targeted our main weakness and used it to market his products : Laziness. Everything Apple is so convenient and stress-free. Everything is just one button away. Like the iPod, all u have to do is tap, tap and tap then you're listening to your favorite song. The scroll (Nano) and touch-screen interface is so easy to use. 

Have you seen some of the players out there?? You have to press a a whole bunch of buttons and you still can't find the song you want. No wonder the market is saturated with iPod's. 

I bought a MacBook recently. Let's see how long it takes for a "new" version to come out.

I hate Steve Jobs.

Finally Back...

Well, I finally decided to update my blog. It's been quite while now, loads of stuff have happened during the past months. Right now, I'm gearing up for the dreaded A-Levels. Yup, they're just round the corner and have been haunting my dreams with horrible nightmares about preparing for the wrong exam or forgetting to show up for a exam.

Anyways, why update my blog today? Simple. 

Someone pissed me off.

I drive to school everyday and park my car at the house next to STTSS. I rented a spot, no shade for RM50 a month. Now boys and girls, when you pay for something, you expect everything to be for your convenience, right? I mean, you are paying money so that your car won't kena saman or get scratched. Most important of all, you're paying for peace of mind that your car is safe and will still be there when you get back.

Back to the retard who pissed me off.  So there I was, looking at my parking spot. Instead of MY car occupying MY space, some inconsiderate piece of shite decided to save himself the trouble of finding his own parking spot and decided to park in MY spot.

What the hell??!! And, AND!!! This wasn't the first time. In the past 3 months, 3 different people have parked in my parking spot. There are 7 spots there but the witless assholes always seem to like mine best. Why, I have no idea.

So this RAV-4 is in my space. What now? I did whatever an annoyed 19 year old teen driver would do. I blocked the aging Japanese "Round About Vehicle". I thought I'd teach the driver a lesson. Of all the available spaces, you just had to choose mine, didn't you? Well, I'm probably the only driver in the parking lot capable of such 'soi-ness', so too bad princess.

After school, I was kinda looking forward to seeing some guy waiting alongside his RAV-4 that was blocked, pacing up and down, calling his parents frantically, explaining why wasn't he home to do whatever it is that idiots do. Upon arriving at the parking lot, I saw no one. I thought he (a) got tired of waiting and stormed off or (b) was too scared to face me, knowing the 'reward' he'd get. So, I decided to let it slide. It was the first time the RAV-4 had parked in my spot anyways. We'll see what happens tomorrow.

But wait! Just as I was about to leave the place, 2 girls started walking in AND towards the RAV-4! 'Okay,' I thought to myself, 'if that RAV-4 belongs to one of them, she's gonna get it'.  I was observing them from my car, sunglasses on and the windows down, waiting for the lights on the RAV-4 to blink. I think they thought I was waiting for them to cross the lot before going off. 

Too wrong. 

"Excuse me, is this your car?" I asked.

Do you know what that ************* retard replied?? "Yeaaaaaaa", with the elongated 'a's', like she's wondering why would someone ask her that question when she'd so conveniently parked where she wasn't supposed to.

That did it. I told her that that space was mine. This is how the following conversation went:

Dumb Bitch: Oh, someone parked in my spot today.

Me: Then where should I park??

*Pause. Rendered speechless. Needs to come up with ridiculous answer/excuse*

DB: It was only for today. (The way she said it, it was like she had every right to park there)

Sensing this was one conversation I'd rather not have with someone of such poor social and cognitive skills, I decided to swallow all the abuses swelled up inside me. So, I said 'Only for today' and drove off, not before I pointed out the lack of an apology from her. (Hope you're proud Dear!!)

If the first words out of her were an apology instead of what she said, I'd be glad to forgive her but tell her not to park in my spot next time. Now, if I ever see her again, I'm definitely 'chot'-ing the shit out of her. You brought it upon yourself.

SA 901 Y. Jaga kau.