Chain Mail

You open your e-mail inbox. Your Streamyx is acting up, as usual and so it takes painstakingly long to load the god-damned page. You try to distract yourself from the unresponsive webpage. As the saying goes : "A watched web page never loads".

Finally, the screen shows some signs of life. Yes!! The ads have finished loading. You click on a friends name to read the e-mail he sent you. "Fw:Fw: Must Read!!!!". Wow, must be some really important stuff to have 1,2,3,4 - 4 exclamation marks. After yet another agonizing pause, the contents finally finish loading.

Instead of some sage advice like "Don't stand under a tree when there is a lightning storm" or "Don't take a phone call when you're charging your mobile phone", the e-mail contained stories of how complete strangers who read this message and deleted it ended up very dead. Apparently, if you didn't forward this e-mail, you'd be killed by a photocopy machine or you'd end up stabbing yourself 17 times before being run over by a car. Then, there's the story of how some lucky bastard actually believed the stories and forwarded the e-mail got rich or got a promotion or married the love of his life. Finally, came the threats and instructions that you must adhere to in order to escape a horrific end. *Yawn* Lame-O....

Please stop sending me chain mail. Your attempts to save your soul from eternal damnation are ultimately futile. Mankind has existed for millions of years, the Internet only caught on in the 90's, go figure. If our fates could be decided by sending an e-mail, we'd all be living the high life, don't you think. Shit, the only poor people in the world would be those who don't know how to use a computer.

Think before you send that chain letter on to me, it just might be the last thing you do. Cuz even if it said you were going to live a happy life, it can't stop me from WHOOPING YOUR SORRY ASS!!!

I hate chain mail. May the end of my shoe swiftly meet the squishy behind of those who forward them to me.