Driving Hell

Ever wondered what driving hell would be like? Well wonder no more and come on down to Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia. Warning, driving around here may cause: high blood pressure, sudden cursing, severe cursing, continuos cursing (a string of 4 or more), cursing in foreign languages, cursing in mixed languages, rage, sexism, racism, boredom and my personal favorite, excessive and continuos cursing in 2 or more languages. Here is my Top 10 list on KK drivers/driving:

1. Cars that have uselessly loud exhausts pulling away at the lights. BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *whine* OOOOOOMMMMMMMMM. Nice going jackass, you've managed to roll it like 3 feet. A-m-a-z-i-n-g.
2. The ever present tudung lady/girl who somehow knows just how to piss you off. She's great at braking when the lights are green, signaling for ages but can't seem to summon the courage to change lanes, starting to brake 2 miles from the traffic lights/roundabout/junction, takes >2s to realize the lights have turned green and the ultimate stereotypical tudung-er: driving in the fast lane at 40km/h. Great.
3. Tailgaters. I'm driving a Land Cruiser, and this dipshit with his souped up Kancil goes all Michael Schumacher on my ass. Imagine a tiny little mosquito chasing after an elephant's behind. Must be one retarded mosquito.
4. Motorcycles. I know, some people can't afford cars. But do motorcyclists have to be so damned annoying? I mean, you're basically holding on to a metal coffin, with the 'you' part on the outside. You'd think they'd be extra careful right? Wrong. Apparently, less weight + shit for brains = There's no other way to put it - Fucked up driving.
5. Potholes and layer upon layer of lame attempts to fill out the holes. Who needs chiropractors when you can have your spine adjusted F.O.C. Please note that results may vary depending on speed, make of car and length of road. Side effects include distorted spines, crushed testicles and numb buttocks.
6. 'Sports cars'. You can always spot one right off the bat. They'd stick ridiculous vinyls like kancilracing.com.my or myvicarclub.com. Large spoilers, outrageous bodykits and ghastly paintjobs. Driver is usually a wanker.
7. Assholes who suddenly cut you off before the lights and you end up not making it. Need I say more.. Utter Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..
8. A phenomenon I like to call 'WTF?!'. E.g., a road with 2 lanes leading in the same direction. One is piled with cars, the next lane is empty. 'WTF?!'. Drivers who immediately cut into the fast lane from a junction. Mega 'WTF?!' + prolonged honking.
9. Pedestrians, encompassing but not limited to: Pedestrians who cross the road 10 feet from a overpass bridge, think they own the road, think they're made of metal/indestructible, walk like they're shopping around for segments of road, cross just when you think they won't, compose text messages while crossing.
10. Drivers who talk on the phone/text message on the road. I saved this for last because unfortunately I sometimes fall into this category. Please don't do it kids, its really very dangerous if you're a retard or just suck in every way at driving.

Driving should be pleasurable, a convenience. Why does it need to be Hell on Earth? WTF indeed.